My Super Powers
Editor’s Note:
I actually don’t have an editor but I am not sure how else to interject before I start a blog. After hitting a championship winner on my last attempt, I now return to my everyday shots.
But I digress….
As a kid, I dreamed of having superpowers. I prayed for a special ability, to soar above the Earth or shoot webs out my wrists and climb walls. Until recently, I thought those prayers had gone unanswered but it is coming to light that that I was actually granted two special abilities. Unfortunately, they were not the abilities I requested. Nonetheless, they are spectacular powers.
Gift #1: The Gift of Sleep
I can fall asleep anywhere. A lot of you may be thinking that this is not that impressive but I disagree. I have fallen asleep in some of the most amazing places on Earth and during some of the most impressive events I have attended. They include but are not limited to:
• Classes (both high school and university, including some I was teaching but never Mrs. Smith’s)
• While driving (Fell asleep going uphill and woke up going downhill)
• At Jeff Healey’s Roadhouse, during a live performance sitting in front of the speaker as the lead guitarist tried to wake me up while playing a solo.
• On the floor of the House of Commons while Parliament was in session.
• During productions of Les Miserable and the Nutcracker.
• During games of all four major sporting championships.
But the most impressive nap was taken during the last game Red Sox at the Old Yankee’s Stadium. I could not find the home run Jason Giambi hit but you can appreciate the volume when he drove in the game winning run.
My uncle Frank has been asked about me sleeping several times and his response is always, “Yeah, he does that.”
Superpower #2: The Gift of Trivial Memory
I do not remember names or faces or stuff I need to pick up on my way home, sorry Allison.
Instead, I have the ability to remember copious amounts of trivial matter. Not stuff that could win me a ton of coin on Jeopardy, instead it is a melange of events about friends and people I have met or things I have seen. Stuff that makes people look at me in a wondering yet questioning manner.
To list all of these bizarre stories could fill up most of the ram on my computer but it does make for a neat party trick. I enjoy telling people about things we have done as they wonder what happens to them at the end of the story. I know the details well enough that they cannot deny the evidence but the events are obscure enough that most minds would have seen fit to flush it. I could also do the same for a lot of professional events but thanks to google, it just seems like I am well researched.
So I no longer wish to be super. I fear what my next power would be; infinite pee, never forget a scent, whatever. I'll be thankful for what I have.... oh maybe Grateful Man.
