The Bar Brawl Installments #1: The Movies
The Crewes have never been fighters, at least not with our fists. Put us in a street fight and we will look to convince people it is not worth the effort, but start a debate and we are all in. They are most fun when the number of drinks is between 3-7, before that we consider the feelings of others, more than that we believe we are the only individuals on Earth capable of logic. Once, after several cocktails too many, I actually used the line, “I am just smarter than you.” on my friend Jay. He appreciated none of it.
Bar brawls have brought up many great topics and I love receiving texts from friends asking me to weigh in on the pub idea of the evening. Unfortunately, they are often too far away to drive to the pub and present my point as only I can. (“Here is why you are wrong.” is another poorly conceived line I have used.)
Topic 1: Greatest Actors to Play a Collection of Athletes
Criteria:
1. The actor must have played three different athletes. (Emilio Estevez would not qualify as coach Bombay in the Mighty Ducks 1,2, and 3.)
2. The actor had to play an actual athlete. (Kevin Costner did not get the nod as Ray Kinsella but be patient, he does make the list.)
From there, the subjective judging begins as to the quality of the acting and the quality of the movie. Unfortunately, I could not find a woman who has played 3 athlete roles. I even expanded to dance and gymnastics and the closest I came was Hilary Swank… Million Dollar Baby and The Next Karate Kid. I really tried. I am hoping to get corrected!
My Nominees(In no particular order):
Mark Wahlberg
The Fighter: Micky Ward
Invincible: Vince Papale
The Basketball Diaries: Mickie
While he may not get the nod as the best, I love Invincible and The Basketball Diaries. I loved him as a Vince and have rewatched the movie too many times.
Will Ferrell
Semi-Pro: Jackie Moon
Blades of Glory: Chazz Michael Michaels
Talladega Nights: Ricky Bobby
I have a feeling many non athletes will argue tooth and nail for this one. (See how annoying I can state things.) He is also exceptionally funny and rewatchable.
Paul Newman
The Color of Money and The Hustler: Eddie Felson
Cars: Doc Hudson
Slapshot: Player/Coach Reggie Dunlop
Newman hits the list as a surprise and then holds his own to be one of the best. Reggie Dunlop is one of the greatest sports characters of all time and fast Eddie holds his own against anyone. Cars was a great kids flick and the four together make him tough to dismiss.
Denzel Washington
Remember the Titans: Coach Herman Boone
The Hurricane: Rubin Carter
He Got Game: Jake Shuttlesworth
First, this is Denzel we are talking about. He gets a bump because he is one of the best actors of all time. But then he played Coach Boone and the real Coach Boone tried to be more like him.
Kevin Costner
For the Love of the Game: Billy Chapel
Tin Cup: Roy McAvoy
Bull Durham: Crash Davis
I once claimed to relate to the character of Crash Davis during a work training program. He was a wise cracking minor leaguer who never quite made it. The lady responded with, “You think you are Kevin Costner?” SMH
Costner has had some solid sport roles but I feel he was a little much in For the Love of the Game.
Vince Vaughn
Dodgeball: Peter La Fleur
Made: Ricky
Rudy: Jamie O’Hara
Vince Vaughn should not be on this list despite the brilliance of Dodgeball, I just wanted to point out he was in Rudy.
Sylvester Stallone
Rocky and Creed: Rocky Balboa
Victory: Captain Robert Hatch
Over the Top: Lincoln Hawk
Nope…. nope … Sly doesn’t win. Just watch Over the Top
Dennis Quaid
The Rookie: Jimmy Morris
The Express: Ben Schwartzwalder
Any Given Sunday : Jack 'Cap' Rooney
Everybody's All-American: Gavin Grey
Breaking Away: Mike
Our Winning Season: Paul Morelli
I Never Promised You a Rose Garden :Shark, Baseball Pitcher
Soul Surfer: Tom Hamilton
Dennis has done a lot of athletic roles, not a lot of great athletic roles, but a lot nonetheless.
Russell Crowe
Cinderella Man: Jim Braddock
Gladiator: Maximus
Mystery, Alaska : John Biebe
Gladiator is a stretch but if boxing makes the cut then so should Gladiators. He has quality, amazing and cheesy on his side and might actually get the nod from me.
Will Smith
Concussion: Dr. Bennet Omalu
Ali: Cassius Clay / Cassius X / Muhammad Ali
The Legend of Bagger Vance: Bagger Vance
The Fresh Prince: Will
Will should be here for Ali so the others are more fillers. Not the best of the lot but he is there.
Wesley Snipes
The Fan: Bobby Rayburn
White Men Can't Jump: Sidney Deane
Major League: Willie Mays Hayes
Wildcats: Trumaine
Oh you have to love Willie Hayes Mayes and the sweet moves of Sidney Deane!
Adam Sandler
Grown Ups 1 and 2: Lenny Feder
The Longest Yard : Paul Crewe
The Waterboy: Bobby Boucher
Happy Gilmore: Happy Gilmore
I am sorry, but Happy Gilmore and Bobby Boucher are pretty legendary characters. Plus, his name was Paul CREWE in the longest yard.
Burt Reynolds
The Longest Yard (2005) : Coach Nate Scarborough
Mystery, Alaska: Judge Walter Burns
Cannonball Run Series: J.J. McClure
The Longest Yard (1974): Paul Crewe
Another CREWE and he had the great slow clap in Mystery.
Jon Voight
Glory Road: Adolph Rupp
Ali: Howard Cosell
Varsity Blues:Coach Kilmer
The Champ: Billy
The All-American Boy: Vic Bealer
A surprise entry but if you play Rupp and Cosell, how can you not make the list?
The fun aspect of this approach is my plan to not tell you the correct answer. (The correct answer is of course my opinion.) Hope it leads to an extended stay during your next night out.
